The Lawyer is too kind?!

One afternoon a lawyer was riding in his limousine when he saw two men along the roadside eating grass. Disturbed, he ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate.

He asked one man, "Why are you eating grass?"

"We don't have any money for food," the poor man replied. "We have to eat grass."

"Well, then, you can come with me to my house and I'll feed you," the lawyer said.

"But sir, I have a wife and two children with me. They are over there, under that tree."

"Bring them along," the lawyer replied.

Turning to the other poor man he stated, "You come with us also.

"The second man, in a pitiful voice, then said, "But sir, I also have a wife and SIX children with me!"

"Bring them all, as well," the lawyer answered.

They all entered the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as the limousine was. Once underway, one of the poor fellows turned to the lawyer and said,

"Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you.

"The lawyer replied, "Glad to do it. You'll really love my place. The grass is almost a foot high"

Grandma in Court

Lawyers should never ask grandmas a question if they aren't prepared for the answer .

In a trial, a small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, an elderly grandmother to the stand. He approached her and asked,

"Mrs.. Jones, do you know me?"

She responded, "Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a young boy and frankly, you're a big disappointment to me. You lie, cheat on your wife, manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you"

The lawyer was stunned! Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, " Mrs.. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?"

She again replied, "Why, yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster. He's lazy, bigoted and has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the worst in the state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes I know him"

The defense attorney almost died. The judge asked both lawyers to approach the bench and in a quiet voice said: "If either of you rascals asks her if she knows me, I'll send you to the electric chair"

I love the baby

During a commercial airline flight a navy pilot was seated next to a young mother with a babe in arms. When her baby began crying during the descent for landing the mother began nursing her infant as discreetly as possible. The pilot pretended not to notice and, upon debarking, he gallantly offered his assistance to help with the various baby-related impedimenta.When the young mother expressed her gratitude, the pilot responded, 'Gosh, that's a good looking baby...and he sure was hungry!' Somewhat embarrassed, the mother explained that her pediatrician said breast feeding would help alleviate the pressure in the baby's ears.

The Navy Pilot sadly shook his head, and in true pilot fashion exclaimed........

'Damn!........ And all these years I've been chewing gum' I love the baby

Contractor

Three contractors . . . One from India, another from Germany and the third from England are bidding to repair the White House fence. A senior White House official takes them to examine it.

The English contractor : takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works on some figures with a pencil. "Well," he says. "I figure the job will cost $900, $400 for materials, $400 for labour and $100 profit for me."

The German contractor : also does some measuring and figuring, then says, "I can do this job for $700 . . . $300 for materials, $300 for my crew and $100 profit for me"

The Indian contractor doesn't measure or do any figuring, but leans over to the White House official and whispers: "$2,700. "The official incredulously says, "You didn't even measure like the other guys! How did you come up with such a high figure?"

"Easy, " the Indian explains, "$1,000 for you, $1,000 for me and we hire the guy from Germany to do the work!

"Guess who got the contract.... ......... ...........!!

How to ask your Boss for a salary increase..?

One day an employee sends a letter to Her boss asking for an increase in her salary !!!

Dear Bo$$,

In thi $ life, we all need $ome thing$ mo$t de $perately. I think you $hould be under $tanding of the need$ of your worker$ who have given $o much $upport including $weat and $ervice to your company . I am $ure you will gue$$ what I mean and re$pond $oon.

$incerely Your$

Marian $hih


The next day, the employee received a nice reply like this :

Dear Marian

I kNOw what you have been working very hard. NOwadays, NO thing much has changed. You must have NOticed that our company is NOt doing NOticeably well as yet . NOw the newspaper are saying the world`s leading ecoNOmists are NOt sure if the United States may
go into aNOther recession. After the NOvember presidential elections things may turn bad . I have NOthing more to add NOw.

You kNOw what I mean

Yours truly,
Manager

Clever Girls

A Girl is giving directions to her new boyfriend to get to her apartment.

She says: "You come to the front door of the apartment complex where I live and look for apartment 14A and with your elbow push button 14A. Come inside and you'll find the elevator on the right. With your elbow hit 14. When you get out of the elevator you'll find my apartment on the left. With your elbow, hit my doorbell and I'll open the door for you"

The boyfriend says: "Dear, that sounds very easy to find, but why am I hitting all these buttons with my elbow ?"

"Oh my God!! You're not coming empty-handed, are you?"

Bill Gates organized an enormous session to recruit a new Chairman for Microsoft Europe. 5000 candidates assembled in a large room. One candidate is prem an Indian (chennai) guy.

Bill Gates thanked all the candidates for coming and asking those who do not know JAVA program to leave. 2000 people leave the room. prem says to himself, 'I do not know JAVA but I have nothing to lose if I stay. I'll give it a try'

Bill Gates asked the candidates who never had experience of managing more than 100 people to leave. 2000 people leave the room. Prem says to himself 'I never managed anybody by myself but I have nothing to lose if I stay.
What can happen to me?' So he stays.

Then Bill Gates asked candidates who do not have management diplomas to leave. 500 people leave the room. Prem says to himself, 'I left school at
15 but what have I got to lose?' So he stays in the room.

Lastly, Bill Gates asked the candidates who do not speak Serbo - Croat to leave. 498 people leave the room. Prem says to himself, ' I do not speak one word of Serbo - Croat but what do I have to lose?' So he stays and finds himself with one other candidate.

Everyone else has gone.

Bill Gates joined them and said 'Apparently you are the only two candidates who speak Serbo - Croat, so I'd now like to hear you have a conversation together in that language'

Calmly but quickly, Prem turns to the other candidate and says 'Neenga yeppadi irrukinga?'
The other candidate answers 'nalla irukken , neenga yepadi irrunkinga' .....